These days many people have been married and divorced several times, and no divorce is exactly the same. It doesn’t matter if you wanted the divorce, were blindsided, knew it was imminent, or just devastated by it. We all have emotions, thoughts and feelings we would of never expected and will handle the aftermath of the divorce differently. I’m just here to discuss how it changed me, and to hopefully help you to understand that you aren’t alone. The things you might be thinking and feeling aren’t uncommon.
Those who know me, and were there for my divorce I believe would have testified on my behalf for a justifiable homicide. Had I decided to commit one! (or two) I went through many emotions, sadness, rage, self doubt, and many many insecurities on how I would ever be able to take care of myself and 3 young children. And quite frankly I was worried if anyone would ever want to be with me ever again. I was 36 years old and had never truly lived on my own. (Rv in moms backyard doesn’t count) Since my divorce, I have found that there are many women that have been in these very same shoes. I am here to tell you that you will find amazing strength in yourself that you didn’t know you had.
People handle divorce differently, many times it is based on how it came about. Those that wanted the divorce are happy to be free and have a new lease on life (happy bastards), others have to grieve. I don’t recall exactly what the stages of dealing with a death are per the books, but I can tell you that you will go through them. To me it was a death! It was the death of my husband (not literally), my best friend (awe shucks), my dream of a normal white picket fence family, and virtually my happily ever after. I started out in the shock, and then the denial kicked in with me fighting (begging) for the chance to change the situation. After awhile I went into the anger and resentment stage. The, I will show you stage quickly followed, and though this can be a good stage if you are trying to better yourself (got skinny), its not good if you are out being stupid (dating madness).
Whatever you do, do not shut out the world. I have had friends go through a divorce where they just hole up and never come out. This is not good for you!!! Yes, you might need time, and yes it may seem easier to just ignore the world but you can’t. You need to get up and keep kicking ass. If you don’t have friends to talk to, make new ones. Meetup.com was one of the best things I did post divorce. I have great friends, but sometimes you need new ones that don’t know your history. (you don’t have to share it either) With Meetup you can go do things in your area that you may have never done before and meet new people while doing it. Make friends, make new memories, you will never forget the old life that you had and there will be days where you feel overwhelmed and don’t want to keep going. But you will, and you can do it with a smile on your face and hoping for the best or you can do it being sad and bitter, but you will go on. (choose happiness)
Since my divorce, I have gone back to school and earned my degree. (enrolled since 1991, gah!!!) I have worked 2, sometimes 3 jobs since my divorce. My kids have plenty of food and clothes and a roof over their head. We live in our house alone (2 cats and a dog), and quite frankly I love it. Not every day is easy, unexpected bills come up and things fall apart but I keep going. I am finally able to look forward to the future and all the things that I will do with my kids, my family, and my friends. It may not be the same future that I had planned for, but that doesn’t mean it’s not better. If you are going through a divorce, or been divorced for quite awhile, I hope you know that people are out here rooting for you. Stand up, get dressed and fight the fight. You can be happy and have the life you want to live.